For once in my life- The Temptations
There aren't many songs you can see a singer sing and feel the joy and pain. Paul William was a victim of his own drinking. His performance here allows you to see the demon he was dealing with. I was so moved to see this performance. His type of talent and passion is missed.
From Gigolo to Jesus.
My new book "From Gigolo To Jesus" has morphed into something else. When I started recording my words. Oh I am sorry, I don't like to type so putting on some headphones allows me to get my thoughts out quicker than sitting at a computer with limited typing skills. This way I can get the maximum thought out to you the reader. With this book it started to take on a different feel. With each chapter I was re-living so much of the dirt which was my life I was growing depressed. I even stopped recording at one time and that cause a delay it the production. You see, I am trying to be transparent about who I was so people can see the beauty in who I am now. I am attempting to offer hope to those that don't feel there is any for someone like themselves. Its tough to do. Standing under the weight of your own past is difficult at best. It brings back to the surface pain you haven't felt in a long time.
This is where this video touches me. When I was at my worse in how I was living I was torn between what was right and what I wanted. I was addicted to wanting sex, not sex itself but the idea of monogamy and misogyny. Here I had a wonderful woman at home and I out chasing anything in a skirt. I was laying with women I had no business being next too. To come home and be scared to lay next to your lady or to even think about touching her the same night eats at your soul. I didn't sleep and spent hour after hour staring at a computer screen which didn't help. The computer only mainlined the drug of attention right back into my system. The minute you think you quieted the voices here comes another email, text message, instant message and you laying back enjoying the high internet pimping with the next sexual victim. This song speaks to my feelings because when you look at Paul Williams face you see the pain but you can hear his talent. He was going to sing this song with all he had to get out what he felt. Anyone who is fighting with any internal demons needs that type of release or you feel your going to die.
Like Paul Williams demons I had my own. His was the bottle and mine was women. When I read and like many of us who watched the Temptations movie, was touched by how Paul fell from grace, only to take his own life. I so understand because I didn't care if I died or not. A few times even thought of really doing it but like a Bitch I folded up and got scared to die. A man was designed to be a hunter so there is a level of toughness which comes with the masculine genes however, when addiction, ambition, greed, denial take their place it serves to carve away that hunters edge so we look for coping agents. Paul's pain in his singing is a internal look at what his coping agent was doing to him.
There is one thing I want you to look for and listen too with this video. Please pay attention towards the end his pain is clear but he sings as if he is signing directly to his wife. From time frame 2:35 on to the end, his face shows it when he says "Lord knows I need her!!" Too often men will indirectly put out to the world who they need to save them or what they need to save them. If nothing is done many slip into the abyss of despair. I was at the brink and thank God for allowing me to hear his voice and then leading me back to Tiffany to save my life. If not, I would have been as dead as Brother Paul, haven taken my own life by the way I was living.
Videos of others tell us more about ourselves then we realizes and this video speaks on why I needed to write "From Gigolo To Jesus" its my snapshot to the world and I hope it saves someone's life or at least holds a mirror up the way Paul Williams's video did for me.
"From Gigolo To Jesus" coming in Late Sept/Oct www.BravinPublishing.com